You must be from Indiana if...

-You've never met any celebrities

-Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway

-You measure distance in minutes

-Down south to you means Kentucky

-You know several people who have hit a deer

-You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Terre Haute"

-Your school classes were cancelled because of cold

-Your school classes were cancelled because of heat

-You know where all the Yoders live

-You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way

-You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day

-You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better"

-Stores don't have bags, they have sacks

-You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition

-All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or meat

-Detassling was your first job

-Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice

-You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked

-When asked how your trip was to any foreign or exotic place, you say, "It was different."

-You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor

-You carry jumper cables in your car

-You drink "pop"

-You know what "cow tipping" is    

and.......

You know you're from Indiana when:

• You think the state bird is Larry.

• There's actually a college near you named "Ball State." 

• Your feelings get hurt whenever someone points out the acronym for Purdue University is PU.

• You've never met any celebrities.

• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

• "Vacation" means going to Indiana Beach or Holiday World (Santa Claus, IN).

• At your county fair, you see all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

• You measure distance in minutes.

• You know several people who have hit a deer.

•  Down south to you means Kentucky.

• Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

• Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

• You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

• You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

•  Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

• You've heard of Euchre, you know how to play Euchre, and you are the master of Euchre.

• You've seen a running car, with nobody in it, in the parking lot of the grocery store, no matter what time of year it is.

• You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."

• You install security lights on your house and garage, then leave both of them unlocked.

• You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.  

• When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, "It was different."

• You carry jumper cables in your car regularly and your wife/girlfriend >knows how to use them.

• You drink "pop".

• Kids and dogs ride in the passenger seats of cars and the backs of pickups.

•  You think nothing of it in spring and fall to be stuck behind a farm implement driving on the roads. You just hope it's not a hog truck >or a manure spreader.

• High school basketball games draw bigger crowds on the week- >end than movie theaters, IF you have a movie theater.  

• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

•  Newspapers have international news &headlines on one page but requires six for local sports.  

• You can repeat the scores of the last eight NBA games, but, unless the MVP is a Hoosier, you are not sure who he is.

• You can see at least two basketball hoops from your yard.

• The biggest question of your youth was IU or Purdue.

• Indianapolis is the BIG CITY.

• Getting stuck by a train is a legitimate excuse for being late to school.

• You know several different definitions as to what a Hoosier really is.

•  Everyone knows who the town cops are, where they live, and whether they're at home or on duty.  

• To you, tenderloin is not an expensive cut of beef, but a big, salty, breaded piece of pork served on a bun with pickle.  

• You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over his snowsuit.  

• You know all four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, construction.

•  You actually understand these jokes

and......

-You know what the phrase "knee-high by the Fourth of July" means.

-You could never figure out spring forward-fall back, so screw Daylight  Savings Time!

-You can say "French Lick" without laughing out loud. · There's actually a college near you named " Ball State ."

 -You know Batesville is the casket-making capital of the world and you're  proud

of it.·

-You could never figure out spring forward-fall back, so screw Daylight  Savings Time!

- You've seen a running car, with nobody in it, in the parking lot of the
  grocery store, no matter what time of year it is.

-Detassling was your first job. Bailing hay, your second. Or you could
  stack hay, swim in the pond to clean off and then have the strength to play
  a couple of games of hoops, all in the same barn lot on the same day.

-You say things like catty-wampus and kitty corner and know what they mean.

- You catch frogs at the crick.

-If you want someone to hear you, you holler at 'em.

-You know that baling wire was the predecessor to duct tape.

-You know that strangers are the only ones who come to your front door.

-Kids and dogs ride in the passenger seats of cars and the backs of
  pickups.

-You think nothing of driving on the roads and being stuck behind a farm 
  implement in spring and fall. You just hope it's not a hog truck or a manure 
  spreader.

-High school basketball games draw bigger crowds on the weekend than movie
  theaters, IF you have a movie theater.

-Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

-The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page
   but requires six for local sports.

-You've been to the Covered Bridge Festival. And you took back roads to get
  there. Why sit in traffic?

 -You end your sentences with prepositions, as in "Where's it at?" or
  "Where's he going to?"

A message from the rural Midwest:

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and
Californians cross states such as Kansas, Iowa, and Missouri, and Indiana, those
states' Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help
outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be
handed to each person as they enter the State.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than
you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need
it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
you whipped...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch
trout you fish for...bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your
ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what
you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of
ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two
packets of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We
have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too--and turtle. You really want sushi
and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
it? Interstate 80 goes two ways--Interstate 35 goes the other way too.
Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit it in the water. It spooks
the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit and then go home...

GUIDELINES FOR UNDERSTANDING "THE HOOSIER CULTURE"

1. Know the state casserole. The state casserole consists of canned green beans, Campbell 's cream of mushroom soup, and dried onions. You can safely take this casserole to any social event and know that you will be accepted.

2. Get used to food festivals. The Indiana General Assembly, in an effort to grow bigger athletes, passed legislation years ago requiring every incorporated community to have at least one festival per year dedicated to a high-fat food. It is your duty as a Hoosier to attend these festivals and buy at least one elephant ear.

3. Know the geography. Of Florida , that is. There are Hoosiers who couldn't tell you where Evansville is but they know the exact distance from Fort  Myers to Bonita   Springs That's because all Hoosiers go to Florida in the winter. Or plan to when they retire. Or are related to retired Hoosiers who have a place in Sarasota . Hoosiers consider Florida to be the Lower Peninsula of Indiana. If you can't afford to spend the winter in Florida , use the state excuse .. which is that you stay here because you enjoy the change of season. You'll be lying, but that's OK. We've all done it.

4. Speaking of Indiana weather, wear layers or die. The thing to remember about Indiana seasons is that they can occur at anytime. We have spring-like days in January and wintry weekends in October. April is capable of providing a sampling of all four seasons in a single 24-hour period. For these reasons, Indiana is the Layering Capital of the World. Even layering, however, can pose danger. Golfers have been known to dress for hypothermia and end up dead of heat stroke because they couldn't strip off their layers of plaid fast enough on a changeable spring morning.

5. Don't take Indiana place names litera lly. If a town has the same name as a foreign city --- Valparaiso and Versailles , for example --- you must not pronounce them the way the foreigners do, lest you come under suspicion as a spy. Also, East Enterprise has no counterpart on the west side of the state South Bend is in the north. North Vernon is in the south and French Lick isn't what you think either.

6. Become mulch literate. Hoosiers love mulch and appreciate its subtle differences. Learn the difference between hardwood, cypress and pine bark at a minimum. Researchers think the state affinity for mulch derives from its relatively flat terrain. People have a subconscious need for topography, and when it can't be supplied naturally, they are more likely to make little mulch hillocks in their front yards. (It's great for Impatiens!)

7. You gotta know sports. In order to talk sports with obsessive fans in Indiana , you have to be knowledgeable on the three levels -- professional, college and high school. The truly expert Indiana sports fan knows not only the name of the hotshot center at Abercrombie and Fitch High School, but also what colleges he's interested in, how much he bench-presses, who he took to the prom, and what he got on his biology quiz last week. ( #1 - IHSAA - Indiana High School Athletic Association, # 2 - NCAA (something College Athletic Association), #3 - NBA what?)

8. Remember that Hoosiers are never the first to embrace trends. When they do embrace them, they do so with a Midwestern pragmatism. For example, if you see a Hoosier with a nose ring, there's a good chance he's had it undercoated to guard against rust.

9. The best way to sell something in Indiana is to attach the term "Amish" to it. The product need not be genuinely Amish. This would explain the existence of Amish moo shu pork.